When the Commandant of Nutrition and Safety — CNS — nags me (endlessly) about acting “responsibly”, I always love to remind her that hamster and polar bear fathers eat their young.
Why? Well, this isn’t because young hamsters and polar bears taste absolutely delicious, or because children of any species are bloody annoying and they had it coming.
No, it’s neither of those things.
It’s because hamster and polar bear fathers are probably destroying the evidence after a spontaneous episode of rough-and-tumble on an iceberg or in a habitrail went horribly awry.
Usually we human dads take our Fragile Dependents — FDs — to hospital after a truly gnarly DADSASTER. Or, at the very least, we pick ‘em up, dust ‘em off, kiss ‘em better and pop a Band-Aid on the scrape if we accidentally drop ‘em after a dizzying round of vestibular stimulation.
Just to prove I’m not creating Latin phrases for my own ends — ad nauseum — you can learn about the healthy benefits of vestibular stimulation here.
So you see… Dads have come a long way since we were hamsters and then polar bears and on through the evolutionary process to Mandrills and eventually humans.
We human fathers are a lot more responsible and caring and able than many mommies give us credit for. Modern dads are adaptable — we’ve segued from hunting and gathering into supermarket-shopping and vacuuming without batting an eyelid, or killing anyone with a slingshot in Trader Joe’s.
That’s why Bryan and I have started this blog and podcast — we’re determined to show the world a secret only our kids know, but are too busy watching Phineas & Ferb to communicate…
We’re absolutely hellbent on revealing Dads — all dads — are the unsung heroes of family life.
Oh, and one more thing? Moms? Next time you start getting all anxious about vestibular stimulation, just relax… Dadsasters are very rare occurrences. And sometimes it’s the moms who need to watch their rambunctiousness.